I saw my psychiatrist today – my actual consultant as opposed to one of her team – for the first time in a good two, if not three months. I think it was possibly the first time that I’ve seen any of them that I didn’t go in feeling anxious, scared, and with a long list of issues that needed to be addressed. Or, as in some cases, a very short list – meds aren’t working.

This time, I was able to have an actual conversation with her. I was able to hold eye contact (a huge, HUGE tell for me is that when I’m not feeling great, I find it very hard to hold eye contact, particularly when trying to explain what the problem is). I was able to say I’ve been feeling good, that yes, I’ve had a few moments, but overall I’m doing well. We agreed that the time off this summer has done me the world of good, and she’s optimistic that working half time is going to make a big difference for me. Another first – I actually told her that I felt the current combination of drugs is working for me. That’s certainly not something she’s heard from me before.
My little cocktail
One small change – remember I wrote about my meds, sleepy and happy? Since the last time things went belly up, I’d been taking sleepy throughout the day as well as at night – during the day to help keep me calm, and a higher dose at night to help me sleep. I was finding it challenging though, because it does exactly what it says on the tin. It makes me sleepy. The effects kick in after about twenty minutes, and the worst of the dopiness can last for about an hour/hour and a half. Over the summer, when I haven’t needed to be focussed, this isn’t such an issue. I’ve been able to potter about, get out for walks, or slow things down as I needed. But at work, it’s a more noticeable problem. Hopefully not to anyone else, but I can really feel it because I’m sitting in one place and needing to be focussed, and I can’t. So, we’ve agreed that for now, I’ll just take sleepy at night, but keep it on standby during the day if I get overwhelmed. Seems reasonable. As for happy? Happy is here for the long haul. 
All in all, I’m pleased with how it went. She listened. Things are going well. We’ve made a small adjustment, with safety nets as needed. I’ll see her again in a few months. All going to plan, the next appointment will be just as positive. Can’t really ask for more than that!

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