So I’m a month in. It’s been an adventure. At first I was so excited by people actually reading my stuff that I could hardly sleep. Then I was so terrified at having exposed the inner workings of my mind that I could likewise hardly sleep. Now? Now I don’t know. It’s been a strange week anyway, what with my mood changing like the proverbial weather (for anyone reading this outside of Ireland, our summer so far has consisted of rain, more rain, cold, a lot of wind, cold, more rain……. As I write this I’m wearing enough clothes for an arctic expedition) Anyway, the other contributing factor this week has been tiredness, and thanks to the night time wanderings of two small people last night, plus a stupid o’clock wake up call, I’m dangerously sleep deprived today and if this rambling is any indicator, mildly delirious.
But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, blog. So how do I feel about it now? I’m still very glad I’m doing it, no doubt there. It’s helping enormously to try and put some order on my thoughts. I have to admit I lost sight of why I was doing it for a little while. Facebook offers all these fantastic insights into who’s looking at my page, and from where, what age category, male or female, what friends of fans have seen it, how far the weekly reach is…… And then there are all the stats coming back from Google. I got a bit caught up in the numbers game. It became more important how many people were looking at a post than what said post might actually be achieving.
So I need to come back to why I started this. The first reason was for me. I find it much easier to articulate myself through writing than speaking, and more so again if I know someone may read it, so primarily it’s a therapeutic exercise for me. But a wonderful spin off has been that people can actually identify with where I’m at, which is helpful to me as I know I’m not the only one, and it hopefully works the same way for them. I’ve learned a lot about people I thought I knew well, and people I didn’t know so well but now have a whole new relationship with. I’ve learned how willing people are to help, which is wonderful, and that there genuinely is a desire out there to do away with the ridiculous stigma that still surrounds mental illness in this country. There have been some lovely unexpected happenings as well, for example reconnecting with an old friend I lost contact with years ago, and realising that we still have lots to talk about.
So will I keep doing it? For sure. Will you keep reading? Entirely up to you! But so far, this is a journey I’m really enjoying, and the company along the way has been great!