I’ve done it. I’ve finally, finally, done it. After so many years spent fighting and crying and struggling and hurting myself and giving up and starting over, again and again and again, I’m out the other end. The drugs are gone. The labels are gone. The therapists, psychiatrists, hospital, doctors, appointments………..all gone. I’m almost a week into no meds whatsoever (I’ll outline how I managed that another time), and while there has been some fallout in that I’m SHATTERED and a little prone to tears, I have never, ever felt better. I’m calm. I’m hopeful for the future, more than that, I’m excited for the future. I have plans and dreams and hopes, and I know that I will handle whatever life throws at me, because my god has it thrown several fuck tons of shite at me the last 10 years.
My life is very quiet and very simple these days. I look after my kids, I mind my dogs, I walk, I have time for photography, for writing, for my family, for me……..This lifestyle wouldn’t suit everyone, it’s not flashy or filled with nice things and holidays and nights out. But it’s everything that I need – quiet, calm, space, peace. Not drugs, not labels. Not ‘fixing’ me.
I see Fi now. I like her a lot, and I’m going to look after her.