One teeny, tiny (well actually quite significant) problem raised its head today. I started the new med plan. Lets call the two drugs I’m taking sleepy and happy (I mentioned before I don’t want to bias anyone towards medication they may be taking so I won’t be naming drugs). Anyway, I’ve been taking two of sleepy at night for two years now, because one of it’s side effects is that it can be sedating, and as difficulty sleeping has always been a problem for me, this was a side effect I was happy to tolerate. But when I saw the psychiatrist yesterday, she decided that I now need to be taking 5 of sleepy – 3 during the day, and two at night – alongside my new med, happy, in the hope that the combination would help balance me out a little.

As you may or may not be able to tell from the slightly rambling nature of what I’ve written here, sleepy’s side effects have also been present all day, which is not good. I’ve spent most of the day either fighting sleep or feeling as though I’ve a few glasses of wine in me, albeit without the giggles.

Take away the beard and that’s me, right there. I’m pretty sure I actually made that face a few times today

In work, it wasn’t such an issue. My boss, bless him, is very aware of my situation and has been giving me tasks that require relatively little lateral thinking on my part so I could just plod along at my own pace. But at home this evening?? Very, very different ball game. Hubby is working tonight and tomorrow and away all day Sunday, so my Dad is back over to give me a hand as that’s way too long for me to manage on my own. Again, I was resentful initially (insert any number of reasons why – guilt, shame, frustration etc etc etc), but my lack of ability to function at a normal level became apparent within minutes of picking up the kids. I can’t think fast enough, and I certainly can’t talk fast enough!! We had a gourmet dinner of pasta and sauce because I couldn’t get it together enough to do what I had planned. Every time I sat down I was struggling to keep my eyes open. Bedtime was torturous. Now, I’m just waiting long enough for madam to be asleep (she’s in my bed tonight) so I can go to bed too.

As for mood? Still very much as was (obviously, I’m not expecting that to change overnight), although I did have a welcome reprieve for a few hours yesterday after such a positive meeting with my consultant. This evening the anger is back, simmering away again just beneath the surface, and I’m having to work hard to remind myself that I’ve only just started down this new road, and it may be quite some time before I see any real results.

I may have more closely resembled this guy at various points this evening

So there you have it. I’m to see the hospital psychologist on Tuesday (probably should have mentioned that sooner. Couldn’t believe it when I got the call today – that’s two appointments in one week, AND, they actually followed through on what they promised. First time for everything I guess). I’ll talk to her about all of this then. I’m assuming (hoping!!!) that it’s just going to take a few days for my system to adjust to the new dosage of sleepy. Fingers crossed please!

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