Since I last wrote, it’s been an incredibly busy week. There was another newspaper article, a (very brief) TV interview, and a presentation with See Change to some of the staff of IBM. In between, there’s been the normal stuff of life. All in all, I think I’ve handled it reasonably ok, although I did need to resort to medicinal support a couple of times. I’ve been pretty tired, and struggled to balance the whole need for sleep/rest with the need for exercise and endorphins. Unfortunately I didn’t get it quite right, and ended up overdoing exercise in an effort to keep my mind quiet. There have been a few conversations with Hubby the last couple of days around how I am, mostly ending with me realising there are some flags flying that I wasn’t aware of. Here are the bits I picked up on:

  • the dogs are being especially affectionate (always happens when I’m not great) and following me wherever I go in the house
  • I’m a little withdrawn
  • I DO NOT want to do any physical activity, and the last few days have been so busy there literally hasn’t been the opportunity, but the weather is stunning today so I booted myself out for a walk with the my boy and the dogs
Here’s Hubby’s list:
  • not maintaining eye contact (always a giveaway)
  • questioning everything
  • being defensive in answers, taking the negative from statements
  • assuming statements are accusatory (Ironically I really took offence at that one)
  • nervous, flitty energy, but refusing to do something constructive with it (again, felt like HUGE accusation, I instantly started making a mental list of everything I’ve done the last few days)
  • constantly hopping around looking for new hobbies, rather than sticking with what I know works (can’t deny that one)
  • long term catastrophising (certain stories in the news right now are coming between me and my sleep)
All in all? Could be better, but could also be a whole lot worse. I didn’t see Therapist last week which hasn’t helped but I’m due to see her tomorrow. Which way will I go? Anyone’s guess. I just need to put in a bit more effort for the next while. Really, really wish I didn’t have to though………

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