Remember the list I made yesterday? Here, I’ll saving you flicking over to a whole other page:

  • get to bed early tonight – stay away from the internet!!!!!! It’s my downfall every single night
  • I have a sleep app. Use it.
  • Ten minutes of yoga (I’m aiming low for a reason – if I say half hour or hour, it’ll be too much and I won’t do anything. Ten minutes generally turns into more anyway)
  • Finish making the food shopping list ( I hate this job. Hate it. But the cupboards are shamefully bare so it has to be done)
  • Remember that I’m in the process of tapering and it’s likely to affect how I feel. It doesn’t mean anything sinister, just chemicals are out of whack and that makes things a little more challenging.
So how did that work out I hear you ask? Well, it didn’t. At all. Not entirely my own doing, there was a meetings at D’s school that I had to go to, and once I got back from that I was too pooped to do anything else. Except I know that’s a rubbish excuse. I came in and spent twenty minutes talking myself into making today’s lunches (a job I could have done at least four times in the 20 minutes I spent thinking about it), went upstairs, realised I’d forgotten my headphones and wasn’t bothered going back down for them, so spent half an hour on the interweb instead before going to sleep too late. Again. Without doing even two minutes of yoga. So, not exactly my greatest success to date (although the food shop did get done).
Me last night. Only I have more hair.
Thankfully I got to see Therapist this morning, a session which was badly needed as it turns out. I’m losing perspective, and I’m slipping, and last night’s level of bleugh and not bothered is a huge indicator of that. All of the things I had planned on doing fall into the category of self care, and when the slip starts, that goes straight away. Therapist saw a noticeable difference in me since our last session. I’m putting it firmly down to chemicals and readjusting to the dosage I’m on now, and assuming that once that balances out I’ll be fine. I need to be careful though, because the lack of perspective that’s going on at the moment could quickly escalate and drown me if I don’t work to keep it in hand. There’s a lot of guilt going on, primarily around my kids and the length of time they have to spend in creche. It’s not by choice, that is simply the way things are right now – I have to work full time. But I was so caught up in the guilt of that that I had actually forgotten I’ve planned unpaid leave for the summer so I can spend more time with them. Mid term is coming up. These are the things I need to keep in mind. At the moment the weekend is a blank canvas, which is good but also slightly bad – I need something to look forward to. Hubby suggested a cinema trip with the kids, that would work.
I also need sleep apparently. I don’t think I feel tired, but I probably should be as I’m probably not getting much more than 6 hours a night at the moment and I really need 8. Also the fact that I don’t know whether or not I feel tired is a bit of an indicator………..So, my strategy for the next few days anyway is to think about how future me will feel about what present me is doing – procrastination and avoidance will lead to kicking my own ass which really isn’t helpful.. I wonder if future me will be happy about the creme egg I’m eating right now………

This article has 1 Comment

  1. Glad you got to see therapist. Good luck with the sleep thingy. It's can be so easy to fall out of the right routine and so hard to climb back in (oh, those dear old mixed metaphors again – must mean my bed time).

    I'm thinking of agreeing a household Devices In Bedrooms Ban, so that Mr and I can model good behavoir before the little ones get their own electronic things. And If we do that they'll pull me up if I get it wrong.

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