Writing is still proving tricky, but I think that’s because time is at a premium at the moment. But I’m happy to say, since talking things through with Hubby things have been much better. And now? It’s Christmas. The house is laden down with food, the presents are wrapped, and we’ve pulled up the drawbridge, from now on is family time. It’s been so, so lovely to just slow down, and get away from the pressure of routine and work and making school lunches. We all need a break, the kids as much as us – they’re spending half the day in their jammies (although still getting up at stupid o’clock). The days have had no plan, they’ve just unfolded gently – ok, with the occasional pre Christmas excitement meltdown – but for the most part it’s all been very easy going. I’ve caught up with a few friends, and even managed a whole entire night out that kept me giggling for a good 24 hours afterwards. I’m enjoying feeling normal, whatever that means!!
It feels like these few days are a reprieve – like we’ve been lifted out of our life for a while and can just regroup. No worrying about money, medication, diagnoses, traffic, work…………..a break from the responsibility that weighs so heavily for the rest of the year. This is the first Christmas I can remember since having the kids that I’m genuinely looking forward to it, that it doesn’t feel like stress and pressure and enforced jollity. I’m relaxed. Hubby is relaxed. We have a strategy for managing things if I get shaky. Today, in this moment, I feel good. It’s a really, really good feeling.