As I write, I’m sitting on the sofa in front of the fire and by a wonderfully happy accident, I have the entire house to myself. Hubby is braving the elements at a rugby match, and the kids are at friends’ houses. The only sounds around me right now are the wind and the fire, and it’s just bliss.
The last few days have been quiet. We’ve mostly pottered around the house, gone for the occasional walk, and not gotten dressed till near lunch time. The kids haven’t exactly mastered the art of the lie in, they’re still bouncing awake far earlier than we’d like, but Hubby and I have been taking turns getting up with them so the other can get a bit more sleep. We’ve played board games.
We’ve done science.
We’ve watched an inordinate amount of TV, and the kids have gadgets coming out their ears. Yes, we’ve also squabbled, tempers have been frayed, cabin fever has set in more than once, but honestly, I can’t remember a better Christmas. Things with Hubby and I are better than they ever have been.
It’s funny, I was with a friend the other night, and we both commented that despite things going so well, there’s a little voice at the back of my mind trying to convince me that it won’t last, that things are too good and it’s just life lining me up for the next shit storm. True, I’m in complete denial about reality at the moment, I’m loving the little bubble that we have going on here and work feels like a distant memory. But I think that’s ok for now.
I’ve just had a quick look back at what I was writing about this time last year
. I know, I know, I said I wasn’t going to do a reflective post but I couldn’t resist taking a look. I’m worlds apart from that time, worlds. This time last year I was (still) obsessing about Therapist, (still) didn’t believe depression was real, and had yet to be diagnosed with bpd. I was about to start a trial off meds that sent me into an absolute tailspin. Now?
Now, I’m really happy for Hubby that he’s out having some fun with friends, and I’ve had a gorgeous afternoon of snuggles with my girl. I’m happy. I’m settled. Yes, I’m still obsessing about Therapist but at least now I know why. Progress has been made. Progress will continue to be made.