What would I say?

I’ve mentioned before that I’m lucky enough to have a very supportive counsellor who knows me well, has supported me, and at times half carried half dragged me, through more than one crisis this last few years. We spoke recently about my first session, about what I was like then. My memory of it is hazy, other than that there was a lot of crying and anger on my part,…

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On letting people in

It’s hard letting people in, really, really hard. Well, it is for me anyway and I doubt I’m alone in that. This last few months I’ve become much better at talking about my depression, and more so again since I’ve started this blog. But, and this is the tricky part, I still find it incredibly difficult to ask for help at the moment that I need it most. When I’m…

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Postnatal depression……..in the beginning

Well I started writing this last night with Hubby watching QI/Republic of Telly in the background, and curiously enough, when I reread it this morning, it was kinda rubbish. So, I’m starting again. While hindsight allows me to see that depression has probably been with me since college, the first time it became a serious problem was after our son, D, was born. Our circumstances weren’t ideal. For starters, like…

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Oh so tired……..

This evening I’m really tired. I haven’t slept well the last few nights and I can really feel the impact it’s having on my mood, and my ability to cope with stress – prime example, my two year old daughter’s pre-bedtime meltdown (it’s a phase, it’s a phase, it’s a phase…………) On a day that I’m well, that I have perspective, I can see this for what it is. She’s…

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Friend or foe?

Depression is hard, that’s not up for debate. No one would willingly make themselves feel so bad. But, is there another way of looking at it? Could it actually be looked at as a friend? Albeit one who can be a little harsh at times. For me, depression tends to come on when I’m pushing too hard, when I’m too caught up in what’s going on around me to take…

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The bubble

For me, as I’m sure for anyone else who has experienced a depressive episode, there are varying levels of bad. As a good friend once put it – ‘are ya bad, or are ya bad bad?’ (Thank you good friend, you know who you are and I miss you!!) And I knew exactly what she meant. Today I’m going to do bad bad, the place I was just before I…

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When the clouds lift

I think there’s a danger in writing a blog like this that it could become all too easy to focus on the negative. Depression is a difficult illness, that’s not in question. But, and this is so important to remember (I’m writing this to remind myself as much as anyone else), it doesn’t last forever. I’m going to say that again. It doesn’t last forever. Episodes come on, they’re horrible,…

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Acceptance

Among the many different and difficult challenges brought on by depression, is the challenge of acceptance. I struggled with this, quite literally, for years. No matter how many times I was told, no matter who told me, (among them quite a few people who know a whole lot more about the nature of depression than I do) I refused to accept that I had depression. I trotted out every excuse…

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Mind reading

One of the many, many joys of depression is that it often goes hand in hand with anxiety. As someone once put it to me, they’re two sides of the same coin. Me, well I guess I’m just lucky in that I get to experience both sides of this coin. While this blog is primarily about dealing with depression, for me anxiety has also played a huge part in that….

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