The journey so far

So I’m a month in. It’s been an adventure. At first I was so excited by people actually reading my stuff that I could hardly sleep. Then I was so terrified at having exposed the inner workings of my mind that I could likewise hardly sleep. Now? Now I don’t know. It’s been a strange week anyway, what with my mood changing like the proverbial weather (for anyone reading this…

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On being kind to myself

This is a concept that, at times, is absolutely alien to me. Like this last few days. You may have noticed I’ve slipped a tad in my outlook, somewhere in the back of my mind I’m aware of it as well. I know what to do. I could write a frikkin book about what to do. The problem is, I JUST DON’T WANT TO. Full stop. This week, Bitchface is…

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Tough start today

I realise I’m posting a lot at the moment, but writing yesterday really helped bring things back into focus for me, and I could use some of that today. The knot is bigger and I’m feeling physically shaky. Again, no reason at all, or at least none that’s jumping out at me. That’s the nature of the beast. I think when I first started writing this blog, the momentum and…

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What the hell??!

Today is tough and I don’t know why. Hubby came home yesterday which was great, so good to have him back and the kids were happy out. But today, I’m all over the place. I’m tired, that’s never a good start. I’m jumpy. The old familiar knot is back in the pit of my stomach. I haven’t taken my medication yet today, although initially this wasn’t deliberate – I was…

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What would I say?

I’ve mentioned before that I’m lucky enough to have a very supportive counsellor who knows me well, has supported me, and at times half carried half dragged me, through more than one crisis this last few years. We spoke recently about my first session, about what I was like then. My memory of it is hazy, other than that there was a lot of crying and anger on my part,…

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On letting people in

It’s hard letting people in, really, really hard. Well, it is for me anyway and I doubt I’m alone in that. This last few months I’ve become much better at talking about my depression, and more so again since I’ve started this blog. But, and this is the tricky part, I still find it incredibly difficult to ask for help at the moment that I need it most. When I’m…

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Postnatal depression……..in the beginning

Well I started writing this last night with Hubby watching QI/Republic of Telly in the background, and curiously enough, when I reread it this morning, it was kinda rubbish. So, I’m starting again. While hindsight allows me to see that depression has probably been with me since college, the first time it became a serious problem was after our son, D, was born. Our circumstances weren’t ideal. For starters, like…

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Oh so tired……..

This evening I’m really tired. I haven’t slept well the last few nights and I can really feel the impact it’s having on my mood, and my ability to cope with stress – prime example, my two year old daughter’s pre-bedtime meltdown (it’s a phase, it’s a phase, it’s a phase…………) On a day that I’m well, that I have perspective, I can see this for what it is. She’s…

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Friend or foe?

Depression is hard, that’s not up for debate. No one would willingly make themselves feel so bad. But, is there another way of looking at it? Could it actually be looked at as a friend? Albeit one who can be a little harsh at times. For me, depression tends to come on when I’m pushing too hard, when I’m too caught up in what’s going on around me to take…

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