Sit with it

You know all the difficulties I’ve had over the years with transference and Therapist 1.0? Well today, I finally started both to really, properly understand it, and work on it, with Therapist 2.0. It’s been frustrating the hell out of me, because despite the distance of over a year now, I still find myself desperately missing 1.0, and when I’m feeling more vulnerable, will still go online in a half…

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Loose wheels

It’s been weeks since I’ve written anything – partly because I’ve felt really stable, partly because there’s been a whole lot of other stuff going on and writing has just had to take a back seat. This morning, I can’t afford to leave it in the back seat because the activity of the last three weeks is most definitely catching up with me. The potted version includes: getting the kids…

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Old brain emotions, new brain beliefs

Last week, as well as the model for describing emotion, Therapist 2.0 gave me a handout about ways of describing emotion – what the prompting events, experiences and actions of different emotions look like. It was to be my homework for the week because identifying my emotions is something I often have trouble with. The more I read it, the more I realised a few things. One, what it is I…

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Understanding self compassion

I’m finally getting somewhere on this one. I flicked back through posts I’ve written the last few months, and this is the first time self compassion appeared. Here’s what I said at the time,‘Self compassion isn’t easy. It’s work. It’s acknowledging what’s going on, then accepting it, then doing something to alleviate it, then doing something to change the situation if that’s what’s needed.  It’s so much work. But it’s work I…

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Describing emotions

Something that I find really tough is labeling emotions. I tend to feel so many things at the same time that I can’t pull them apart, and I’m just left feeling confused, frustrated and often overwhelmed, rather than being able to pinpoint what’s going on. I was talking about this with Therapist 2.0 today, and she explained a couple of things about emotion that are completely new to me. As…

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Moving on

Today was one of those days that turned out completely different to what I had expected, in a whole world of good ways. I went into Eden this morning determined that it was going to be my last time attending the group. I’ve found the last couple of weeks of the programme really challenging, and have come up against a couple of things that I would typically run a mile from,…

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Activation precedes motivation

I’ve lost my writing mojo. Actually I’ve lost my pretty much everything mojo – yoga, walking, eating right, sleeping right……….again. Again, again, again. When will I learn??? Over the last month, Hubby was on leave, the kids were off, the weather was predominantly SHITE and giving in to comfort felt like absolutely the right thing to do. For comfort read: sitting on my ass, drinking too much, eating aaaaaall the…

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Finding my way

I’ve changed the tagline of the blog. Up till now, it has read ‘Trying to make sense of life with borderline personality disorder and occasional depression, one post at time’. Now, it reads ‘Finding my way out of borderline personality disorder and depression, one post at a time’. I changed it because I feel there’s a really important distinction between the two, and it has come about off the back…

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Stripped bare

I’ve been sitting in front of the laptop for at least an hour now and I’m no closer to figuring out what it is I want to write or how exactly I’m feeling.  Things seem to be shifting really dramatically the last week or so, and while on the one hand it’s fantastic, on the other it’s a little scary. Emotionally I’m like a ticking time bomb right now, but…

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