I’m to see my psychiatrist tomorrow, it’s been about two months. As usual, I find myself at a loss to describe how things have been, so I sat down with Hubby to get his perspective, and see if it matches up with my own. I’ve also just read back over everything I’ve written since then. Apologies for how I’m going to do this, but this post is primarily to help me figure out what I’m going to say to her tomorrow, and this is the best way I can think to do it. Feel free to stop reading!

  • 21st August – last psych appointment. On the whole, very positive, few minor tweaks to meds, time off doing me the world of good and coping without Therapist. 
  • 27th August – 4 weeks without Therapist, fairly dramatic dip in mood. Lots of change most likely the trigger – back to work, starting half time, seasons changing. PMS
  • 31st August – angry with Therapist for taking a break, not sure whether to go back to her
  • 1st September – first session back with Therapist – anger, rejection, abandonment
  • 18h September – crazy busy few weeks – M’s birthday, D’s surgery, duathlon, working on two conference presentations – really, really tired
  • 28th September – fallout from all of the above. Panic attack at spinning. Extremely forgetful and lacking focus
  • 3rd October – very tired, not able to exercise for various reasons, low mood, lacking motivation. Having to push hard to keep going, would be much easier to give in
  • 5th October – emotions not my own, very much at the mercy of external factors – good = good mood and excitement, bad (perceived bad) = bad mood/low (incidentally I think I would have been about a week/week and a half into the new meds here. I didn’t take note of the date I changed because I thought they were technically the same thing.)
  • 15th October – no endorphins after spinning, cancelled on a friend, lethargic, comfort eating
  • 17th October – left work early. No motivation, no focus. PMS.
  • 20th October – told boss things aren’t awesome. Mind constantly racing.
Since then? More of the same I guess. I think my mood has picked up a little, and being off again this week has helped, as did having a really lovely few days with my kids last weekend. I’m definitely a little excitable, and when that happens, it’s generally fairly swiftly followed by a crash – yesterday was a case in point. I was WIRED all day, got through a power of stuff at work, came home full of the joys, went to spinning……crashed. Completely. No post spin endorphins, nothing. Today? Today has just been really, really busy, I haven’t really had time to think. When I sat down to talk this through with Hubby a little while ago I was really on the defensive, and there are a couple of things I should probably mention tomorrow – I don’t want to keep taking my meds, because I’m sort of coming back round to thinking there’s nothing really wrong and I don’t need them. I’m obsessing about Therapist – where she is, what she’s doing, what I would say to her about any given situation etc etc etc. I’ve all but given up exercise, although I did manage a short run and last night’s attempt at spinning. 
Overall? I guess functioning, some ups and downs, not as good as I’d like to be but nowhere near as bad as I have been. I’ve occasionally resorted to medicinal help to keep me calm. Change in meds hasn’t helped. Oh, and on that, the reason they changed is because the one that was working has been discontinued. So………watch this space?!

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