I know I’m posting a lot at the moment, feel free not to read! But I need to. I’m in a strange frame of mind, and it really helps to just write and get it out there. If I’m really lucky, I might even be able to calm myself down, or pick myself up, or do whatever it is I might need on any given day. Or at any given moment on any given day because my mood seems to swing so much at the moment.

Take today. For the most part, I’m fine. I got up ok despite a rubbish night’s sleep (4am tantrum from my gorgeous girl plus multiple wanderings from them both), on top of an equally rubbish night’s sleep the night before. I was all over the place yesterday, but managed to figure out why and calmed down accordingly. So far today, work hasn’t been busy but I’m kept ticking over. I had a lovely coffee break, I met Hubby for a walk by the river and had a nice chat. Here’s where it’s strange. As long as I’m occupied, either doing something that demands my full attention, or with other people, I’m grand. I can chat and laugh with the best of them, no bother at all. But as soon as it’s just me, with nothing specific to occupy my mind – BOOM. Noisy head.

That’s me, right there. And of course it isn’t thoughts about fluffy kittens and butterflies. It’s straight over to the dark side. Angst, stress, meds, Therapist, what I’m doing wrong, what I need to do better, where I could be trying harder etc etc etc. You get the picture. And sometimes there’s no coherent thought. It’s just literally noise. Does this happen to anyone else? I honestly don’t know if this is part of depression, or just something else I need to get a handle on. I’d be really interested to know if it happens to you though, and what you do to manage it.

This article has 8 Comments

  1. Happens to me regularly. Long walks, Junk food, Books, music, a good film are things that help me. If you can think of anything else let me know. Take care of yourself.

    1. Thanks Patrick. All of the above work, although when I get very low I can't bring myself to do any of them, and that's when the real problems start. Thankfully the noise of the last week or so is a little quieter today. I definitely need time on my own. The days that I manage to get up and walk early, while doing me out of sleep, I notice a huge difference. Yes, I'm tired, but at least I'm starting the day at my own pace, doing something that's just for me. Yoga works better in the evening as that's when my head tends to be noisier, so something that requires focus helps more.
      When all else fails, yup, food!!

  2. I was in a similar situation some years ago.It takes enormous willpower to change this. If I found my mind wandering, I would shout STOP in my head and make myself think of something else pleasant, like waves on the sand, a bumble bee on a stalk, or make myself just look and observe and marvel at what was right there beside me. I created exercises to distract my racing mind, such as identify 5 great things at what I was looking at – it may have been a derelict building or a puddle of water in the pouring rain – anything at all that was not about me!It took weeks of practice and I needed to 'bank my successes'. After a few weeks it began to be easier and eventually I overcame the 'noise'. To this day I use the technique on rare occasions it is needed, or even if I am feeling just sorry for myself!

    1. Fair play to you. I've tried the internal stop shout, but mostly, so far at least, I just end up getting thick with myself for not being able to stop and so the cycle continues………that said, taking in what's around you, coming back to the present moment, it has to be helpful. I'll try and remember, thank you

  3. Yep, to be left alone to my own thoughts was my greatest fear because of exactly this. If I couldn't sidetrack these thoughts I'd just spiral down to a nasty place. During the day it was easy enough – just get out and do something, meet someone, just talk to anyone, but at night there's no-one to help 🙁 That was the most difficult time for me.

    I don't know how to stop it happening but getting good sleep helps soooo much. Eventually (a couple of years) it went away and has not yet returned. I wish the same for you, Fiona … asap!

    1. Thank you, and me too! Night time is definitely tough, especially if sleep doesn't happen. Am so glad it went away for you, long may it last!! Today I'm feeling a lot better and hopeful that I can work to keep it that way.

  4. This may not work for everyone. I find what calms down the multiple dialogues in my head is knitting. It doesn't always get rid of the noise entirely but it does seem to help me focus on one thought at a time. Often, I'll listen to the radio, Radio 4 is brilliant and has some really interesting stuff that can capture your attention and your mind. You don't have to knit anything complicated, just get some really lovely wool in colours that make you happy and make a scarf, or knit squares for a blanket. You probably won't want to do it when you're having a really shit day but for the inbetween days when you are on your own and you are not busy it might be worth a try. Doesn't matter if you never finish it or it ends up a mess. Anyway, it may sound a bit crazy and superficial but I thought I would mention it in case it works for anyone else.

    1. Thank you, that's actually something I've tried in the past and found to be really helpful. The knitting part i mean. I think anything of a repetitive nature can really help, it's almost meditative. Even ironing at a push!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *