I’ve just landed in my folks’ house after one very long drive across the country. The kids have disappeared with Grandad, and I’m stealing a couple of hours to catch up with the blog. I’ve really missed it the last few weeks – I rarely get the time to write during the day, and by the time the kids are in bed (which is getting later and later as the summer progresses) I’d rather sit down with Hubby or go for a walk than break out the laptop. Part of that is because I’m tired, part of it because I feel like Hubby and I are passing each other like ships in the night at the moment and I want to make time for him, but probably the biggest part is that I feel guilty if I start working when I could be spending time with him, or with the kids (yes, I need to work on that). It’s a tricky one.

Something else that’s come about as a result of the extreme lack of me time I have at the moment is that mails and comments have gone unanswered for far longer than I would like, and I’m now at the stage that it’s weighing heavily on me. I hope that anyone who has contacted me is aware that my time is at a premium, and that my lack of response isn’t because I didn’t want to hear from them, but rather than I haven’t had the time to sit down and give a response the time it deserves. So, if you’re reading this and wondering why I haven’t gotten back to you – that’s why! It honestly, 100% isn’t personal or because I didn’t appreciate your mail. I just have not had the time. I also have a couple of pieces of work that I promised I’d do that I have yet to complete, and alongside all the unanswered mail/comments they are really on my mind. This next few days are mostly about having a bit of fun with my kids and my family, but I’m hoping I can also use them as an opportunity to catch up on all of this, and take some of the pressure off.

It does leave me wondering how to manage the blog going forward. I’m back to work in two weeks, so time will be more precious than ever. I never wanted to feel under pressure to write, this has always been an outlet for me. I think it’s less that I feel pressure to write, and more that I’ve forgotten how to make the time for myself, or more to the point, feel guilty when I take that time. Therapist is gone now for the next month, so it’s really important for me to use every avenue available to me to keep myself well while she’s gone. This will be the longest I’ve been without her support since last year, and the first time in three years that she hasn’t left me any emergency contact numbers. So far, I’m fine, although it has only been four days. I’ve promised her that I will run while she’s gone, and that I’ll keep taking my meds exactly as I should. I’ve also promised that I’ll keep writing, and try not to feel guilty about taking this time, because it’s not an indulgence, it’s time that I need.

So I’ll try. Yesterday I needed this:

Coral Strand, Carraroe, Co. Galway

So I made the time, and I got it. The next few days I need time. This blog is incredibly important to me, and everyone who is involved in any way, be that reading, commenting, or mailing me privately, has been of huge support. I don’t want to lose that. I can’t afford to lose that. So I’m going to ask for help. I’m going to ask for time.

This article has 6 Comments

  1. Take all the time you need,its amazing how much you are able to do so much work aswell as all the home stuff.

    The whole time question is a strange one. Often find taking the time for self care is one that i don't make time for/forget to find time for. And yet it is so vital for our wellbeing. These tools that i have for self care are what keep me on a good path yet often have to keep reminding myself to use them.
    Sometimes it feels a real struggle to just keep up with my "normal" level of state of mind.

    I am back in work today after 5 weeks off. Trying to keep going! Though at this moment in time feel like a swimmer going against the current.Have to keep reminding myself it's just that first day back feeling. My whole "slow" routine of the last few weeks has been replaced by "fast,fast,fast". Also need to fit in my mindfulness meditation. Wish me luck!!!!

    Take time for yourself also on your few days away,take advantage of the babysitters!! (this is one i've grown to accept last few weeks!). All of us are still here,supporting you whether you have time to reply or not 🙂

    1. Thanks so much. Kids have been off with their Nana all day today, I had time for some yoga, caught up with the blog and even got an article written that's been hanging over me. It's been lovely!
      Hope you're doing ok back at work, take it slow – first week back is always tough. Mind yourself

    2. Hope you've caught up on some sleep!! It's a real killer when your sleep deprived. SJ is out of her bed 2 or 3 times a night- mostly bring her back to her own bed but sometimes it's so tiring we just let her stay!! Getting used to being back in work,first day was toughest. But being more open with couple of people in here about what's been going on so their very understanding. Really working hard on my ANT'S (Automatic Negative Thoughts- that is!!!),and fitting my meditation in every day is helping.

    1. I can completley empathise with you feeling there isnt enough hours in the day. I tell myself each evening im going to bed early so i can wake up early and try and have a productive day, but usually i end up in bed at 2 am and wake up feeling exhausted the next day. When we are sleep deprived everything seems like a choir. I also have real trouble organising myself to get the things i want to do done. Feel like im chasing my tail most of the time. I hope your keeping well. Keep up with the blog.

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