I ran. I really, really, REALLY didn’t want to. It’s been over a week since I’ve done anything at all, I’ve had a minging cold, and it’s been emotionally hellish. I had yet another of my all too frequent and very dramatic meltdowns last night, and refused to get up this morning.

I cannot let this beat me, I just can’t. For me, for Hubby, for the kids, there’s too much at stake. I know what I need to do, however much I don’t want to. So, I ran. It hurt every step of the way. My entire body felt like lead and I thought I was going to puke, plus, it’s daylight and I really prefer running in the dark. But I kept going. I remembered something Therapist has said to me so many times – just put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

I didn’t get a wonderful hit of endorphins, and I now have sore legs. But I also have the knowledge that however much it doesn’t feel like it, I’ve done something to start to take back some control again.

This article has 4 Comments

  1. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0Wr4ZiVUcDQ/Tqj2Z3ZDCDI/AAAAAAAAGZ0/eIvdIqkSMl0/s1600/sad5alt4.png

    OK, so you’re not quite at that point, but well done for keeping going. Big hugs.

    I haven’t been running in AAGGGES but I did manage to finally declutter and clean the kitchen worktop this week as well as defrosting 4″ of ice from my fridge. I am alternating between being really cheered up when I walk in the kitchen and wondering why I didn’t do it sooner (cue Bitchface).

    1. I’m not far from that point at this stage I can tell you. I swing from calm and rational to fuck this shit and the horse it rode in on on a daily basis at this point, usually multiple times. And there’s been no more running. Or yoga. Or anything really other than a series of meltdowns………sigh

  2. That’s just how you have to do it some days, one foot in front of the other until you realise how far you have come. It’s not easy and it’s not enjoyable but you can do it and you did do it today. And however you much feel like it may not have helped you at least you can’t beat yourself up for not having done it.

    You did something that you could have so easily put aside and not bothered with (I am THE Master (well, Mistress) of being able to make excuses to not do things so I know how much it takes to push past the excuses and get on with things.

    You get a great big cheer from me today for getting up and doing it!!

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