I took a step back from the virtual world this weekend. It wasn’t really planned, but as I sat down Friday evening with twitter beeping approx every thirty seconds, facebook popping and needing to get back to various lovely people who had gotten in touch with me, I realised I was actually getting stressed by it and so did something momentous – I turned off my phone, and my tablet, and the chromebook. All of them. For the whole entire night.
|Image credit: the Oatmeal (ok, I didn’t exactly run, it was cold, and more than a tad windy, but I logged off. That’s a start)|
Saturday I turned them back on, although predominantly left them untouched. Off again Saturday night, on again Sunday but only to take a look and see if there was anything important. There was, one absolutely spectacular mail from a new reader, who unfortunately I’ve yet to get back to. (Lovely new reader, if you see this, thank you so much for your mail and sharing your thoughts, it made my day. I will get back to you).
Here’s the thing. I think I was forgetting I’m not a support service. The blog/page has taken off a bit this last while, and is more demanding of my time. I like that, no, more, I love that. I love that I’m reaching people, that they feel able to contact me. It’s given me a new sense of purpose, something outside of my family and work. Every single time I see the little red icon pop up on facebook for a new like I get excited, and as for comments on the blog?? Mind blowing. I try not to take it personally when someone unlikes me on facebook (seriously, when did these words become verbs??!), I do it myself all the time.
My life is busy, and at times borders on overwhelmingly so. That’s not unusual, two full time working parents and two small kids generally makes for a constant state of mild (bordering on manic) chaos at the best of times. But, if I don’t mind myself in it, it will swamp me, particularly at the moment. I’m down to a quarter of my original dose of antidepressants, and hoping to be finished with it entirely by Saturday. Then I start weaning off the other one (although I may pause for a week or two in between). For the most part, I’ve been fine, but there’s definitely been a tendency towards irritability and anger, and I have struggled to stay calm in the face of multiple voices talking (at volume) to me at the same time. I was physically quite shaky by yesterday evening, and thought there was a panic attack in the post on Friday morning at work. Thankfully, I’m aware of all these things, and going with it. I’m reasonably confident it’s down to adjusting to the lack of chemicals, so am not reading anything bigger into it.
So, with that in mind, this next couple of weeks I will have to keep the focus on myself. That feels incredibly selfish, but if I don’t, the ripple effect is not pretty. Please, please, do keep talking to me. I love hearing from folk about how they’re doing, and on a bad day, it distracts me from how I’m doing. It just might take me a bit longer than usual to get back to you. All going to plan, in a few weeks I’ll be medication, and more importantly, side effect, free and back to myself. There’s a lot to look forward to.