Where did the last few days go? I mentioned on facebook last night that it’s been a busy week, and it really has. Work has been full on, but manageable, and home has been the usual level of domestic chaos interspersed with occasional (although still not enough) sleep. Yesterday, I was really happy to have had a few good days. I’m still waiting to find out whether my reaction to the medication is an allergy or a side effect, but on the whole I’ve been hopeful that this might just be the one for me. My mood has been better, my concentration vastly improved, there’ve been no excessively giddy moments, and no horrible, gaping, low filled holes. There are a few minor things which may or may not be drug related…………..I’ve been a touch more agitated and quicker to anger, so that will need to be watched. Also, my diet has gone off the scale, 100%. On the way home from work the last two days I was overwhelmed by an urgent and immediate need for Coke (of the cola variety I hasten to add!). No, I’m not pregnant! I’ve also been eating all around me, and generally the worst kind of junk food I could lay my hands on. While you’ve probably noticed over the last few months that I’m not averse to cake, I wouldn’t normally tend to binge on utter shite, particularly not while in the middle of cooking dinner!! So possibly another one to observe.
Today though……….today I don’t feel great. I can feel the cloud touching around the edges again. Maybe it’s just today. Hopefully it’s just today. I’m working really hard not to let it become something more than it is. My homework from Therapist this week was to catch the negative things I say to myself and turn them around, whether I believe the alternative or not. I’ll have to work especially hard at that today, because I can feel the negativity creeping back in. I didn’t want to admit it to Hubby, particularly as he’s currently labouring under a nasty shoulder injury that is also causing migraine, but stomping around the house like a briar isn’t subtle, and won’t do anyone any favours. So, I told him. Being a rational man, he asked what’s the best thing for him to do – push me into doing things that we know help, leave me entirely on my own……….? My answer? Occasional hugs. The rest is up to me.
When I was trying to figure out what the rest might be, a few things came to mind. Retreating to bed. Hugely attractive but not an option, and certainly not one that would help. Tea and chocolate. Done. Writing (I’ve really missed the clarity it gives me the last few days). Done. Next on the agenda? Some yoga, a big bowl of soup, (the dreaded weekly shop) and a walk with my dogs. Maybe some pottering around the garden to tidy it up before winter sets in. Today is a low day but it doesn’t have to be anything more than that, and I feel so much better already for having written this. Thank you!!