I saw the psychologist today, ostensibly to finish my pre DBT assessment but as there were issues locating my file we never got to that. What we did get to was that the absolute earliest I’ll be starting DBT is March, but she can’t guarantee me a place. It feels as though the level of certainty on this has slipped a notch since last seeing her. Call me cynical, but I see one of two things happening:
- I do really well the next few months, so they decide I don’t need DBT anymore and discharge me.
- I don’t do really well, still don’t get any support till March at the earliest, but struggle like hell in the meantime.
Kind of feels like something of a lose lose situation. I get the logic behind making me wait, kind of – the theory goes that there should be a gap of at least 6 months between therapies so there’s no confusion over different types of therapy, and so I’ve time to consolidate the work I did with Therapist and learn to cope on my own. But why then did Therapist think it so important for me to start seeing someone else straight away? What am I supposed to do with such conflicting opinions?
I got really, really angry this evening. The more I thought about the whole thing, the more ridiculous it seems. Therapist couldn’t continue working with me because I was too attached and it was triggering the most damaging of my bpd traits, so she’s out of the equation. Yet because of my attachment to her, and my need ‘to grieve’ (use of inverted commas very deliberate there) I’m not allowed to access further support. This inability to access further support is quite likely to lead to my struggling to cope, and in fact already has done on several occasions over the last few weeks, which perhaps not surprisingly, also triggers damaging behaviour. Anyone else see the ridiculous irony in all this? My behaviour has been deemed damaging enough to warrant accessing DBT, yet at the same time it’s assumed I’m capable of managing without support for the next 6 months minimum. I feel like I’ve been hung out to dry.