Well today took an unexpected turn for the worse at some stage this afternoon, and I’ve no idea why. No trigger, nothing, just a dip in mood and increase in anxiety, more noticeable than it has been for a while. There are a couple of other less than exciting happenings to add to this – sleep is getting increasingly hard to come by, I’m finding it tough to actually fall asleep, and my memory is shot again. I actually forgot a dentist appointment for the kids today, that is so unlike me it’s not even funny. Few too many flags for my liking.

Someone who reads the blog contacted me a while back with some interesting information. I won’t reproduce her mail here as I haven’t asked her permission, but the gist of it was that hormones could be playing a really big part in this. We all like to joke about PMS, but for some people, it goes way beyond a tetchy mood for a couple of days, and can actually have a significant impact on well being.

A lot of it read very familiar to me – I’ve never been able to tolerate the pill, and my last experience with it caused such a severe reaction (insane, uncontrollable mood swings) that I had to stop it after just 10 days. I get wicked PMS, absolutely wicked, always have. This reader was advised to try an oestrogen patch from about day 18 in her cycle, and it’s made a phenomenal difference to her.

So why am I bringing this up now? I’m wondering if this could be part of what’s going on for me. Today is day 16 which would put me pretty much on the money for a spike in hormones (not sure which ones). I’ve talked about it with Therapist and she thinks it makes a lot of sense, and is certainly worth following up. I realise I may be clutching at straws as I’m back to wanting to be off/not needing medication/therapist, but that could also my symptomatic of how I’m feeling today.

I’m aware that I’m rambling, sorry about that. It’s been a strange day. Three more weeks till Therapist is back……….

This article has 3 Comments

  1. Feeling similar today, blah is the only way I can describe myself, I don't know if it's the up and down weather, hormones or the oncoming change of season but I feel blah and it's crap.. Hope tomorrow is better for you x

  2. Yes, there definitely is a link, anti depressions are hormones too right? Last time I tried the pill I got so mad and bloated, I couldn't close my jeans anymore after two weeks, (might have to do with the incredibla sweet cravings I got as wll) and I got so MAD as a hatter, my husband begged me to stop. I'm funny enough on a month off month on schedule, one month, it's light and I only have tummy ache, the other month I'm a hell bird, not to cross, definitely not cooking tonight and you can all just…
    So I hope you get your period asap,
    Btw, it's also known that some people have moodswings during ovulation…

  3. I found your blog yesterday through Quora. Here's my story related to this post:

    I have been depressed (self diagnosis) for a few months now. I came to this conclusion just last month. Since December last year I have been taking Microgynon everyday. Since about the beginning of this year things started heating up between me and my boyfriend – arguments over non issues, massive overreactions, uncontrollable outbursts, crying and not being able to stop, controlling behavior – all of those.

    We were at the verge of a breakup when my boyfriend suggested "this has to happen once every two weeks, isn't it?" and that's when the penny dropped. I realised that a pattern like this would be too much of a coincidence. Thanks to technology, we do like to have text based arguments via chat/text messages. I went back through all these messages and found that we were arguing around the 7th -10th of every month. Another proof!

    I did some Internet research and found that the side-effects of mirogynon on well being are very well documented. I was flabbergasted. I felt cheated. This is the first time I was taking the pill – just starting out with a "serious" relationship – I felt anxious that it was considered ok to treat people like lab rats. My boyfriend convinced me to go see the GP since he was convinced that I was not normally this person who shouted at him for no apparent reason (even though by this point I was seriously beginning to doubt that I was this mean person who cared about nothing but herself).

    Take 1: My mistake I went to a Walk in Centre. I was in between houses and hence in between GPs. The nurse (a guy) looked at me blankly when I said that I am having suicidal thoughts and I think it is related to the pill. He took out a Medical Journal and read out the written side-effects. He asked me have you tried to harm yourself in any way "yet" and when I said no – he asked me to see a GP. He was apologetic that he could not help more but I was embarrassed beyond comprehension.

    Take 2: I called the NHS Helpline and told them that I was unable to get an appointment and I was very worried because I was having suicidal thoughts and I did not know if it could be related to the pill. They gave me a phone number for the Crisis Helpline and asked to get in touch with them

    Take 3: I called the Crisis Helpline and told them that I was feeling very hopeless and suicidal. I said I was calling because I am scared I would do something I should not and I don't know if this is related to the pill. The lady on the other end said I should speak to friends because "PMS is a very normal thing".

    Take 4: I finally got an appointment with the GP.I told her what I was going through and she said "Have you stopped the pill yet?" I said "no, can I just stop taking it?" She said "Yes, stop taking it and see if the situation improves". She did not suggest an alternative pill. She did not even confirm if my suspicions could be correct. She asked me to book an appointment 2 months after I have stopped taking the pill for a re-assessment. Mind you, this was the phase I was seriously suicidal and being dealt with like this did not help my condition. I felt like I was asking for help from the wrong people, that I was making a hue and cry for nothing, that I was a crazy person and I just had to learn to be ok with it.

    It has been a month since that appointment. My boyfriend says he already sees some improvement. I am still on my guard and don't even remember what my normal self was like.

    I feel it is very unfair on both me (who was not informed about the side effects) and my boyfriend (who has to put up with me) to have to go through all this. There's people on the Internet who have been on the pill for 3 years before realising that it is affecting them emotionally. Imagine the effect this drug will have on them when it has changed me so much only after taking it for 6 months. I really hope its effects are not irreversible.

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