No, this isn’t a post about Taylor Swift, although I do think she’s quite wonderful (don’t judge me). It’s about how people perceive this blog, my page, what I’m doing and why I do it. I have trolls, I’m pretty sure every blogger in the world does. You can’t publish online without picking up a couple, and the best approach is to quietly ignore them, which is what I’ve been doing for almost two years now.
Recently though, someone drew my attention to the fact that my page is depressing, and little more than an excuse to publish moans. Funny story – it’s a page about depression. Last time I checked, not a particularly entertaining subject. By it’s very nature, it is going to make for uncomfortable, and not always uplifting, reading sometimes. There are countless sites out there telling us how to manage depression, what to do to keep ourselves well, and countless more spewing positive quotes at us from every direction. That’s not what I’m about. I’m sorry if it pisses you off, but what I’m doing is different. I’m using this blog, first and foremost, for me, and right now, as I don’t have access to Therapist, that means it’s probably going to be a little more heavy going than I’d like because I have to try and keep myself on the straight and narrow, and let me tell you, that is bloody hard work. It is taking everything I’ve got to keep myself upright, keep me and my kids fed, and keep things going around the house. I wonder why I’m so tired. That’s why. The simplest of tasks is a monumental effort right now, and I’m fighting with myself every single inch of the way. This page isn’t about how to make depression go away. It’s about how I live with it. Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I don’t. I write about both, because that’s how it is.
Depression sucks. BPD sucks even more. Throw the two of them together, without a Therapist, and some external, out of control stressors to boot, and it’s a perfect storm. I am doing the absolute best that I can right now. It’s not enough, it’s nowhere near enough, but it’s all I can do, and it’s what I’m going to keep doing.