I’m sitting here this morning feeling anxious and low and depressed and trying to breathe into it like Therapist 2.0 suggested. It sucks. It feels horrible. My mind is coming up with a million and one other things I could/should be doing right now, all of which are extremely worthy and all of which will distract me from how I’m feeling. So this is the part where I’m confused – do I sit here and allow myself to feel it all with the potential of it turning into a massive pity party, or do I get up and use the many and varying distraction tactics that would eventually help me feel better?
There is so much contradictory advice out there. Don’t overthink things. Don’t get pulled into difficult emotions. Do get pulled into them. Allow them out, let them say what they need to say. Take psychiatric meds, they make imbalances better and help fix us. Don’t take psychiatric meds, they cause the very imbalances we’re led to believe are the problem in the first place.
I guess the difficulty with all of this is trying to find the middle ground. I need to allow myself to feel without getting trapped. I need to take the meds to help me get to a place where I can work on strategies that will allow me to manage without them. I don’t really know what’s going on right now. I don’t know if I’m tired and that’s contributing to how I’m feeling, or if I’m tired because of how I’m feeling. I don’t know if it’s to do with reducing meds – if it is, then surely I need to go easy on myself because my system is all up in a heap. But if it’s not, then I need to get myself moving or things will get worse.
Are you confused yet? I’m really confused. But even writing all of this is helping, because at least now I know I’m confused!!! No matter what I do right now I’ll feel guilty. If I do housework, it’ll be because I’m not getting any exercise/yoga when I have the space to do it, but if I go with exercise, it’ll be because the house is in a gimp. Technically, I could probably do both, I’ve the next four hours to myself. But that would require a level of drive that I don’t currently have.
Oh my god, I HATE feeling like this. The indecision, the guilt, the anxiety – it hasn’t been quite this intense for a while. So what do I do?