I’ve been loath to post the last few days. My mood has dipped. I didn’t want to post because I want to be positive, or insightful, or in some way show you all that there’s still calm after the storm. But I can’t do that right now. So today I’m going to just write to clear my head, and hopefully help lift myself out of this dip if I can.
There’s been no major trigger. Ok, things aren’t ideal with work, there’s been a lot more chopping and changing of my role than I’d like, and indeed than I was told there would be. That has been tough on the one hand, but on the other not so much – I can just do the work that I’m given, I don’t have to take responsibility for overseeing anything and right now that’s good.
So there’s no big trigger. No big drama. Just a dip. It’s not nice – I have that feeling where I’d like to put a protective shell up around myself and just hide for a while. Interestingly though I’m not angry. I was angry last week, but this week I feel almost like I’m hiding behind myself. I can’t quite explain it – it’s kind of like being in the bubble although thankfully not nearly so extreme. I’m a bit disconnected.
So what can I do about this? For the most part I think I’ll just have to ride it out. I pottered around the garden last night then walked the dogs, that helped. I made it into work today, and have to focus on some really mind numbing spreadsheets, that’s helping. I’m going to go to an Aware meeting later, I feel like I need a little extra support. I’ll see therapist tomorrow. Other than that, I need to just look after myself. Eat well, sleep, exercise, try not to expect too much of myself. Remember that this will pass.
So there you have it. Some incredible uninteresting reading, but this is where I’m at. This is life with depression. The last few weeks have been really good. This week not so much. That’s how it goes!