I’m finding it incredibly hard to focus today. I mostly have the attention span of a three year old. My eyeballs hurt. I’ve never actually seen the Blair Witch Project, but remember the shaky camera work?? That’s what my world looks like right now every time I move my head and it’s really disorienting. I’m so, so tired. The massive emotional upheaval of the last few days has me utterly wiped, and I’m not sleeping properly at all which is making matters so much worse.

I’m sorry, I’m very much aware that this is nothing but a litany of complaints but it’s really tough going right now!! Anything more complex than actually staying awake is pretty much a non runner for now, and the fact that I’m expected to continue with life as normal while all this is going on is starting to feel like a push too far. I’m in work today, but less than productive. I may need some time off, although I haven’t quite decided whether that’s self compassion or copping out. Mostly I would love to lie down in a very dark, very quiet room and just sleep. No crazy dreams. No interruptions. No alarm clocks or early morning wake up calls. Just sleep till I’m not tired any more, then get up with a clear head.

I’m in danger of wandering into self pity territory. That is not going to help in the slightest. I’ve a few minutes of lunch left – I’m going to get up, leave the office for a few minutes and get some air. Hopefully that will help. I think I’ve gone orange.

Later – I found a convenient rock by the river, sat, and took some very deep breaths………………it helped.

Three of my favourite things – water, blue sky, and trees

This article has 4 Comments

  1. Be kind to yourself please. Take some time off. No-one will think the less of you or that you are copping out. How can you be copping out when you are trying to get through this. Don't let your tiredness undo all your good work. Ask your GP to sign you off for a little bit. Keep your children's routines as they would be when you work. Sleep/rest/meditate or whatever you need to do while they are in school/childminders. Do not use the time to catch up on housework or cooking !!! Give yourself time and see if sleep is what you need. Oh please be kind to yourself. x

  2. Fiona. Take time to look after yourself.sometimes in all the rush we forget to make time for ourselves. You've come a long way,your doing great.love the water,blue sky and trees…that and the sound of birds and nature.take care

  3. First off well done for surviving a birthday party! I was at one on Saturday and thinking of you.

    Shakey Blair witch vision with added sound effects sounds horrid, enough to test anyone's patience. In fact if you had no depression, no other symptoms and that happened I bet you'd see a GP and have a day off to get over it.

    Doing anything when wiped out tired is hard work. Coping with kids too is even harder. Add in shakey vision and tapering and I dread to think. Awareness of your limitations is not the same thing as self pity. (Although wiped out tired could easily lead to self pity.) If you're feeling orange and ignore your need to rest then you're in danger of ending up red. A day off resting now is better for everyone than a trip to hospital.

    Take care of yourself!

  4. Fiona,
    I am very blessed with good health and so can only imagine your life but one thing I truly believe is that more love always helps. I love the lines of one of my favourite hymns which goes,

    Love lifted me
    Love lifted me
    When nothing else would help
    Love lifted me

    So I wish you all the love needed for you to live a joyful life. x

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *