I already posted today, I know, feel free to ignore this one. But I neglected to mention a few things in my last post that I think are worth noting, for me at least. I feel off (best word I can come up with right now) but I don’t know if it’s down to the change in medication, or tiredness, or depression, or the weather…………..you get where I’m going here.

For starters, I’m exhausted. Totally and completely. But, also unsurprisingly, because my sleep is gone all over the place since I started this transition with meds. I’m tired during the day, then come evening time BOOM I’m awake and wired. I’ve tried baths, I’ve tried a sleep app, but mostly I just toss and turn until the drugs kick in and knock me out. I cannot concentrate on anything, even the most mundane of tasks. I’m finding it really difficult to be at work, and it’s not helped by the fact that I work between 2 departments, so I’ve to try and engage brain to two separate jobs every week. I’m eating total and utter rubbish because I’m almost completely lacking the motivation to make anything for myself other than cake, and I’m craving comfort. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is contributing to my overall feeling of general crapness, but I can’t motivate myself to do anything about it. That’s the crux of the problem, right there. Motivation. I see what the problems are, and the two big ones right now are diet and sleep. But my brain is too fuzzy and scattered to do anything about it.

I feel like I’m pushing a rock up a hill at the moment. I don’t know where to start to make things better. No, I do know where to start, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. For anyone not familiar with this particular lack of motivation, it’s really, really difficult. It’s so much more than a simple case of ‘just get up and do it!!’. I subscribe to a wonderful yoga site, and keep going over to take a look and find a nice practice for myself. But every time I try, I get overwhelmed by the choice, then frustrated by how much ground I’ve lost over the last year, so I end up doing nothing and reaching for chocolate instead. And so the cycle continues.

I’m at a bit of a loss as to how to break it. I know I need to, because I know it doesn’t end anywhere good, but I don’t know how. Is it for want of the 10%? I don’t know, but I really don’t like it and I hope I can reign it in soon.

This article has 2 Comments

  1. I can relate to everything in this Fiona, that feeling of pure and utter 'meh'… knowing you have so so much to do, but all you want to do is call pizza and lie on your bed on facebook… And then feeling like crap afterwards knowing in that time you could have exercised, made salad, cleaned the house and read a new research article or worked on a work project… And the productive days make me so happy that I reward myself with a totally unproductive few days and undo all the good work. My head is a weird place sometimes :-/

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