It has not been a good week for us. Friday, I finally got my act together and made it back out for a run. I was so pleased with myself, it felt good, I did some yoga, I was sure I was back on track. Saturday, same, good form, we had a friend over to visit who we haven’t seen in a long time and had a really good catch up. But then Sunday happened.

Sunday morning Hubby woke up with a lot of pain in his neck and shoulder, and it very quickly became clear that this wasn’t the kind of pain we could manage with nurofen or paracetemol. So, there was an emergency trip to the doctor on call, lots of pain killers were administered, and we came home. He spent the day in agony, barely able to move. Sunday night I don’t think he slept for more than 15 minutes together, and Monday we had to get our own GP to come to the house as he was physically incapable of getting into the car. We deliberated over the pros and cons of either calling an ambulance and getting straight in to A&E, or waiting 24 hours to see if there was any improvement before driving ourselves to A&E at a private hospital. Eventually we decided on the latter as we’re all too familiar with A&E in UCHG and felt that an extended period of time on a trolley in the corridor wasn’t going to do him any favours.

So, we waited till Tuesday morning before braving the car journey across Galway to the hospital. It was horrendous for him, despite copious amounts of pain relief. Thankfully A&E in a private hospital is an entirely different set up to what we’re familiar with, and he was in, on a bed and assessed within half an hour, and had an MRI an hour after that. Results? Two discs out in his neck. For now, the treatment plan is anti inflammatories and pain relief in the hope that it will right itself, but so far we haven’t seen any huge change.

Needless to say, the knock on effect has been that my newly rediscovered enthusiasm for exercise and a healthy diet has taken a firm back seat as I’m trying to manage everything around the house now while he recovers, as well as keeping myself on the straight and narrow. On it’s own that would be enough, but it’s never that simple with us. There’s another drama erupting at the moment as well, one I’m not going to write about but suffice to say stressful doesn’t begin to come close. Things are very, very much out of my control right now, and I feel both trapped by circumstance, and helpless. I am going to have to work so incredibly hard not to let this get the better of me. Today is the first day that it has, today I’m struggling. I’m tired, because as well as all of the above, I’ve had two kids sleeping on my head since the weekend, and I don’t have the wherewithal to cope with midnight arguments about who’s sleeping where, it’s easier just to give in.

Yesterday I was scared but managed to keep busy. Today I’m beyond stressed and not capable of doing anything more than sitting and staring into space at this point. I did try and do some yoga, but quite literally the very SECOND I started the kids came looking for stuff, so I’ve put that aside. Today needs to be over. When my head gets into a rut like this the only thing that will help is sleep. I can’t sleep right now. I know it’ll be ok, I know we’ll get through this, but my god do I feel like we deserve a break. Lurching from crisis to crisis is getting really, really tiresome. On the flip side? I no longer have time or energy to consider all the horrible bpd crap that was causing so much trouble for me.

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