I rang my GP. You may have noticed my frustration yesterday around my inability to concentrate on anything or stay focussed for any length of time, so I wanted to check this with him. I think I was hoping he’d say it was likely to be medication related, but unfortunately no, he thinks it’s more symptomatic of depression. Which makes sense, because a lot of other signs are there too. If this continues much longer, staying in work isn’t going to be an option (incidentally I just totally lost my train of thought and drew a complete blank before writing that last sentence). So it’s time to talk to my boss. Well, my two bosses actually as I work between two departments. I don’t want to do this, but at the same time I’m so scatty that they need to be aware of it because it’s affecting my performance. And I’d tell them if I had the flu, right? I don’t want to have to come out of work, because that’s the start of a really slippery slope. Part of me feels that if I’m at home, I’ll be able to potter and keep myself busy, but I’m forgetting that the same lack of motivation that’s plaguing me at work will be there as well, and there’ll be even less incentive to get myself up and moving.
So for now, the plan is to keep going. I’ll see Therapist later today, and thankfully am back with the psychiatrist later in the week. I need to work on ignoring the desire to stop taking medication and stop seeing Therapist. I asked Hubby last night if he thought that maybe I’m subconsciously stopping myself from being well because then I’ll have no need to see Therapist anymore and that’s a really scary prospect. He pointed out (for the umpteenth time) that even the fact that I’m asking that question is indicative of depression.
I was looking around for an image to include with this post, and nothing seemed right. Then I looked to my left and saw this pinned to my wall. It made me smile. Depression is causing problems, but it isn’t everything, not by a long shot.