A thing of the past

I took a notion to clean out the bathroom shelves earlier (it’s a job I tend to ignore until there is literally no room to put anything else on them) and I came across something. Two something actually. My emergency meds, and the blade I had forgotten I’d kept on the off chance that I ever decided I needed to cut myself again. Both of them gave me brief pause…

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Bpd?

If you don’t keep up with me on facebook or twitter you might have missed the fact that I’ve completely revised my bpd page. So, here it is 🙂 When I first created this section of the website, this is how I introduced it: Since being diagnosed with bpd in April 2014, I’ve had to work hard to understand what it means as an illness, and what aspects of it…

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This time last year…….!

I hadn’t intended to do a ‘this time last year’ type post, but as the day has gone on it’s increasingly been on my mind so……..here you go. This time last year: I believed I had borderline personality disorder I believed I had depression I believed both were conditions that were part of me, with which I would always struggle I believed I would need psychiatric medication for the rest…

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Recognising Fi

I think I know why things got so complicated for me, why I got depressed over and over again, why I eventually starting displaying all the symptoms that are known as borderline personality disorder. (My brain is running away here with me a bit so you’ll have to forgive me if this doesn’t make sense yet). The last couple of weeks, through the work I’m doing with Therapist 3.0, have…

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Understanding

Yesterday was a day of deep and profound realisations. I spent two and a half hours in a skype session with Therapist 3.0, and a considerable portion of the rest of the day reflecting on what we had spoken about. Such a monumental amount of thought patterns and beliefs have shifted that I can’t currently begin to describe them. One though, which is a wonderful shift, revealed itself to be…

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I had an idea………

I’ve been thinking on this decision for months. It’s been rolling around the back of my mind most days, and I’ve swung from thinking it’s the best idea EVER right back to thinking it’s utterly ridiculous. I want to make writing my life, but to do that, I need to make it pay. I’m squirming even as I type that, but no more than anyone else, I have to be…

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I’m me. Not broken, not cracked, not mental. Just me.

I don’t have a personality disorder, I have a personality that doesn’t fit, or rather, that didn’t fit. I’ve spent the last hour sitting with my thoughts, as suggested by Therapist 3.0. I’ve had the phone switched off, I haven’t been writing, I’ve literally just been sitting. It’s quite amazing where my mind has taken me. I have spent my whole, entire life trying to fit, whatever that may mean….

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Stages

After quite a bit of thought, I’ve decided to take a break from sessions with Therapist 2.0. Don’t panic, this isn’t me doing my usual back away when things get tough. It’s actually quite the opposite. I’ve come across another therapist, let’s just go ahead and call him 3.0, and he’s helping me to build on the compassion focused work I did with 2.0, and take it a step further….

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No Room

The kindness and generosity of people never ceases to amaze me. One of my friends (who shall remain nameless because she’ll be mortified otherwise) has taken it on herself to try and do something to tackle the homelessness crisis. How? By actually doing something. How many of us see a post on facebook, read an article, pass someone in the street and think, ‘oh, that’s just horrible, something has to be…

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