New beginnings

It’s been such a bizarre, terrifying, exciting, heartbreaking, life affirming year. Rollercoaster doesn’t even come close. It started with me on meds, on sick leave, uncertain about my future, and largely floundering. It’s ending with me on career break, off meds, off welfare, about to train as a recovery educator with the HSE and starting a teeny tiny business with himself. We’re like the blind leading the blind, the learning…

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Training harness

I’m now 5 weeks off meds and more importantly, doing really well. It hasn’t been easy though, not by a long shot. Despite a long, slow, very measured taper, the final leap from bare minimum amount of prozac to none at all wasn’t without its challenges. Thankfully, the head zaps didn’t happen this time, but the fluctuating mood most definitely did. I can see why this would often be interpreted…

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So long prozac :-)

I’ve done it. I’ve finally, finally, done it. After so many years spent fighting and crying and struggling and hurting myself and giving up and starting over, again and again and again, I’m out the other end. The drugs are gone. The labels are gone. The therapists, psychiatrists, hospital, doctors, appointments………..all gone. I’m almost a week into no meds whatsoever (I’ll outline how I managed that another time), and while…

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‘Battling’ our minds

‘Battling mental illness’ ‘Fighting my demons’ ‘To anyone suffering with mental illness – you are one badass motherfucker because nothing is more terrifying than battling with your own mind every single day’ ENOUGH!!!!!!!! Can we please, please think about changing the language a little? It doesn’t need to be a battle, there’s no need for demons, or terror, or constant fighting. I get that that’s what it feels like, I…

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What I have, or what I want?

Autumn is far and away my favourite season of the year. I love the colours, I love the crisp, sunny days when you can feel a hint of the cold weather to come, I even love the wind and the rain. You can’t beat walking in a good storm. I don’t expect anything of Autumn, it is what it is. Spring brings the promise of longer evenings, new growth, blue…

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Potential

‘Since waking up to my lifelong habit of always rushing to the next thing, and experiencing the difference that slowing down has made to my emotional well being, I’m able to think so much more clearly.’ I wrote the above 2 weeks ago, and haven’t written anything since. In the interim, the kids have gone back to school, we had a weekend of sugar fuelled 7 year old birthday madness…

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From tiny acorns………

My brain is working in the most curious way at the moment. Lots of unusual little thoughts are coming to mind, and I’m getting inspiration for writing from the most unexpected places. This post for example, has been rolling around the back of my mind since yesterday morning. I went out early for my walk/sit (still marvelling at the wonder of the difference this makes to my frame of mind),…

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Observations

I have a spot under a tree by the river where I love to just sit, listen to the water and let my mind wander. I’ve been going there every day that I can for the last few months and it never fails to make me calm, the longer I sit the better. I noticed something yesterday. But first, I need to go off on a bit of a tangent (it’ll…

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Go placidly

‘Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence’ Desiderata The full text of this is hanging on my kitchen wall in the most prominent place I could find, to serve as a reminder of what is most important. Every single line of this beautiful poem carries so much weight, and so much meaning. Depending on circumstances on any given day a different…

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