I’ve lost my writing mojo. Actually I’ve lost my pretty much everything mojo – yoga, walking, eating right, sleeping right……….again. Again, again, again. When will I learn??? Over the last month, Hubby was on leave, the kids were off, the weather was predominantly SHITE and giving in to comfort felt like absolutely the right thing to do. For comfort read: sitting on my ass, drinking too much, eating aaaaaall the wrong food, staying up too late watching Netflix – things that are treats, but quickly became habit. We didn’t get away for a holiday this year, we haven’t done for years, so we holiday at home. In theory it’s a good idea, but in practice? In practice it seems to just mean all of the above, which again, I get is ok in small amounts. But a solid month? I’ve put on at least half a stone which I’m really, really not happy about, my mood has most definitely been affected and now I have to start all over again with getting myself back on track.
The title of this post has been my mantra for the last few days. It’s something I heard a couple of months back in Eden, and something I’ve been working hard to ignore. Thing is, I can’t ignore it anymore. I’ve tried sitting and waiting for motivation to just land, and it doesn’t. Chances are it never will. Take this post as a prime example. I’ve been trying to write it since some time yesterday. In the 40 or so minutes it’s taken me to write these few words, I’ve checked facebook at least 3 times, my phone twice, skipped on over to Waterford Whispers for a bit and generally stared at the ceiling. What the hell??
It’s so, so easy when I get into this frame of mind to let it take over. I have no motivation, so I don’t do anything. I don’t do anything, so I get even less motivated, which means I definitely can’t do anything, and on and on it goes. I think it’s finally starting to sink in that while giving myself a kick up the arse might not be the most compassionate means of getting myself going, sometimes it’s necessary. I didn’t want to cut the grass yesterday. Who would?? It’s been about a month, it was really long, and I knew it was going to be a bitch of a job. I could have let it slide, and then sat and berated myself for the rest of the day for not doing it. Or, the alternative (which is what I did) – repeat ad nauseum – activation precedes motivation. One step at a time. Get the mucky shoes on. Get the lawnmower out. Start. Pause. Continue. Pause again. Continue again. Keep going until it’s done. Did I feel better for it? Not especially, I was hot and sweaty and still in bad form. But, I had something to show for my afternoon, which in itself did eventually make me feel better.
(facebook checked twice more. Phone again. Twitter. Wandered out to the landing to figure out what light was flickering)
Today has been the same. Little things, one after another. I don’t think I was all that productive, but I managed to look after the kids and feed us all so I know I did something. I’m still not motivated. The half stone is still there, and all the bad habits still have to be broken. But, activation precedes motivation. If I don’t start now, all I will do is continue to berate myself for what I’m not doing. At least if I’m doing it, that’s one less thing to give out to myself for. And maybe if I do enough the motivation to keep going will come a little easier?