Welcome to the weird and wonderful (and occasionally quite terrifying) world of what goes on inside my head. I’m 30(ish), married, and have two kids and two dogs. I work, I have good friends who understand me, and a really supportive family. On paper all good, right? But, I also have borderline personality disorder (bpd) that occasionally morphs into depression, so life can be a touch unpredictable here.
I started blogging back in April 2013 after a particularly difficult episode of depression landed me in hospital for 5 weeks. It was intended as a therapeutic exercise, somewhere for me to work out why I may be reacting to things in a particular way. It was a big leap of faith, because up till then I rarely spoke to anyone about my mental health issues. In fact, for a very, very long time, I tried to convince myself that there were no issues, that this was just who I was.
Over the years, both before and since the blog, many strategies and treatments have been tried to bring depression, and then once it was finally diagnosed, bpd, under control. It’s taken a combination of talk therapy, lots of trial and error with medication and a long hard slog for me and my family. There are things I can do to help myself (yoga, walking, eating right, getting enough sleep etc etc etc), although at regular intervals I decide to stop doing all of them in a hallmark fit of bpd self sabotage. It doesn’t take long for the wheels to fall off again when I go down this road, and so the circle continues.
Throughout all of the turmoil of the last couple of years, this blog has been my constant. It’s a space for me to explore, to try and understand, to vent my frustration in having to manage a ridiculously complicated disorder. When I write for the blog, I know there’s a chance someone might read it, so I’m more inclined to see a thought through to it’s logical conclusion. When I write privately, chances are I’ll stop at the most frustrating part because I won’t want to think on it any further, so this blog is also my therapy.
I’m not entirely sure you’re going to enjoy what I write, but I hope it’s of some use to you. Thanks so much for reading!
If you’d like to get in touch, either to share your experience or comment privately on something I’ve written, I can be reached at fiona@
Just a small proviso – while I’m really happy to hear from you, I can’t offer on-going support. This blog is intended to help people talk more openly but I’m not a mental health professional and all information here is based on my own experience with bpd and depression. If you need help, please, please, contact your GP, or in an emergency, A&E. The Samaritans can also be reached 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, at the number below.