Something really interesting happened today. Well, interesting for me at least, in that for the first time in as long as I can remember, I made a decision that I didn’t second guess. A big one. And, the decision was based on rational, considered thought rather than being a knee jerk emotional response.
This is so very new that it may actually be a first. I was shattered this morning, and a little overwhelmed after the minor frenzy that came at me as a result of my piece in the Irish Times yesterday. There was a lot of debate online, and this morning the phone started ringing. The two most high profile of these calls were for interviews with Ireland AM, and on the Pat Kenny Show on Newstalk. My initial reaction was shock, swiftly followed by nervous excitement, then frantic thoughts on how to make it work. Which one would I go with? What about logistics? Would I have to come to Dublin if I did the radio piece? We’re a one car family, so any trip away for either of us, particularly on a school/work day, will always be problematic.
But instead of jumping at either or both of them straight away, I paused. Not only did I pause, I put it out of my mind and headed out for a walk in the woods with the kids, my sister, and my niece. It was just gorgeous, and exactly what I needed. I’ve long since known I need the peace and quiet of outdoors to ground me, and today highlighted that once more. While we were out, it allowed me time to take a step back. We explored the woods. I drove them all demented taking photos. We had a picnic. By the time I got home it only took a brief conversation with Hubby and a friend to make up my mind. I don’t need to do either of these things. Yes, it’s a fantastic opportunity, and I’m chuffed that they were interested enough in what I had to say to consider having me on. But there’s so much more to it than that. I’d be coming at it off the back of a week away from home with the kids (we’re still in Kildare), and fun and all as it’s been, I am DESTROYED tired. I’d have to get us all back to Galway, do my session with Therapist 2.0, then hop on the train and come back up. The interview would most likely leave me high as a kite, which would feel amazing right up until the adrenaline wears off. Then, I’d have to get myself home, back into Mammy mode, and get my head together to go back out for Eden.
I’d love to do it. I’d love to be able to talk about this further, to bring the debate forward even a little. The potential was there to meet some fantastic people. But I have to be realistic. Given how things have been the last few months, and the week I have ahead of me, the fallout would most likely be a serious knock for me. I’ve just started making real, tangible progress, and the last thing I want to do is jeapordise that.
So, I’m going to bow out. I’ll keep flying the flag from here, I’ll keep talking, but there’ll be time enough for interviews in the future. Right now my priority and my focus have to stay on me and my family.